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Hello!

It has been quite awhile since I last written in a blog (approximately 4 years now since beginning of 2012). For you, who knew I had a blog, you know that I'm not kidding. For those who don't, yes. I do write. It feels really foreign to me now, looking back at my old blog, which I have yet to close down; all the memories come flooding in; more so the thinking of 'how super childishly-deep I was back then'. To be honest, there are a few reasons why I stopped blogging and most of them have to do with me, not anyone else. Nobody told me to stop blogging, nobody sent me hate mail or whatever it is. Writing was or is still one of my biggest passions besides reading. So I am going to list down a few reasons why I stopped blogging to start off this post:

1. I wanted to lay-low. Expectations really became the better of me. Most importantly, I had expectations of myself, and I came to realize that people had expectations of me. Bare in mind, I am purely speaking as a 20-year-old reflecting back on my past feelings and I cannot really explain exactly what I felt 4 years ago. So, I felt that I was not the person people expect me to be. It is sad of course to think that I cared about what others think of me. I was a 16-year-old, and I think anyone of us can admit that at that age, we would have cared about what others thought of us. At that time, I felt I did not fit in or I did not know who I really was. I started questioning myself for example, "Why don't I have many friends?", "Why am I not popular like my other friends?" at the same time, "Why do I feel happy having less friends?" and "Why do I feel happy being at home, rather than socializing with people?". I was in a bit of a mess. Thus, I started to withdraw from social media because I can be a totally different person on social media than in real-life. Back when I was in secondary school, you would have expected me to be a really chatty person based on the things I write on my blog, or the things I posted on Facebook or Twitter. I came to realize that, I am not. I am not a chatty person. I may not even talk to you much if I meet you for the first time. I'm not big on going to 'social-events' where I have to strike up a small-talk conversation. I can't handle big group of friends. I don't have cool hobbies or join cool events. Blogs or social media, gave me a platform to express myself in a way that I like it, that's all. I felt comfortable behind a screen (now I sound like a cyber-freak). And at first, I really felt sorry for myself. I disliked who I was and at the same time, I didn't care. Told you, I was a mess. Later on, I discovered who I was in college. I won't destroy the suspense so I'll save it for another post. Basically, I was afraid people would meet the real me, the offline me and be disappointed. So I decided to cut-down on the 'online me'.
2. I am a lazy perfectionist who procrastinates. I came to realize that when I started college. It was not immediate, the realization came later, early of 2015. I started to realize I was procrastinating middle of 2015 when I was in my 3rd year of college. At first, I didn't like the idea of procrastination, but I came to realize I have been doing it all along. Hypocritical me. I do start my work early, mind you with a lot of hype, like I have just been given steroids or something. Then, as soon as I come to the "middle-phase" I literally stop. Then, I have this block. Creative block or mental block. I stop doing my work, until I feel anxious about the due-date, and then only I continue to finish my assignments. So yes, I wait until the last minute (not the very last minute, of course. Not like the day before or something) to try to finish things as perfectly as possible. I will "wait" for the perfect time to do my work (normal excuse for procrastinators?). 
3. I am afraid to fail, thus I don't like to take risks. I did not want to write a blog about my life (which was basically my content for my past blog) and then think there was no point for it (you can refer to number 1 for that). People will be saying that "If you don't take risks, you will never achieve great things, grasps great opportunities". If you are thinking that now, please refer to number 2 on my list.

I think that's basically the issue. It is just me giving reasons or if you want to call it "excuses", go ahead. I do not blame you. I remember I had friends who told me to continue writing, or they liked my blog, or they liked the way I write. I felt really thankful for that even until now. It is just me and my messed up feelings, which I still have a bit until now. We all learn to grow. The more I grow as a person, a little less I feel strongly about those minor issues I had when I was 16. This post is basically about me, again. I have yet to find a theme/specific content for my blog. As I told you, I do not have interesting hobbies. I don't plan to get one, just for the sake of writing a blog, or for the sake of pleasing others. I read books! If you're interested in that, then maybe I will write about it.

Lengthy explanations aside, maybe this post is about me or maybe it is about you or maybe someone you know or someone you will get to know. I hope that this opens your eyes, to the teen-stage of developmental psychology (hahaha), introversion (oops, spoiler for maybe future posts) and sociology (no, it's not about how popular you are). I'm tying to amp up the value of this post by quoting famous branches of science and science topics, don't mind me. If you're interested in that kind of stuff, maybe I'll write about it too.

For now, let us rejoice in the fact that I have opened up a little about myself to you readers (but really who cares?). Because if you know one symptom of having introversion (I make it sound like a disease, which is true, most people think it is) is that I do not like to talk a lot about myself in real-life to people unless of course, you ask me.

A small disclaimer, I may or may not continue writing in this blog (please refer to numbers 1 to 3 in the list above) but I hope I can write more, because I honestly need practice or maybe something to show my future-employees (communication students, I feel ya) or to keep my creative juices flowing. Hope I find a nice or decent topic for me to write about. I'm very open to suggestions. I'm ready to improve my writing and my blog, slowly. So, I just want to say thank you for your patience. Thanks for reading until the end of this post.

Wish you all well! See you on the next post.

MY.